Don Imus called the Rutgers women’s basketball team a bunch of nappy headed hoes and the entire nation threw-up all over itself. People were appalled. The chatter boxes on television and radio couldn’t believe that in such a developed country, in 2007, that one of their own could be so callous and ignorant. But the reality of the situation is, we’re fine. We’re actually doing really well. And for anyone who wants to jump the gun and call me a pariah, I ask you to first watch the Game Show Network. And if you still think I’m wrong, well then your just a dummy. Cause Gene Rayburn was an absolute hog.
I was grabbing lunch at this place Frankie Z’s last week and low and behold they had the GSN on, and on no fewer than three TV’s as well. And blaring from each of those TV’s was a mid-70’s episode of The Match Game. Up until this point I had never seen an episode of The Match Game, but luckily for me their are fewer things in the world easier to get caught up on than the rules of The Match Game. A phrase is given with one word blanked out, the contestants make their guess and then the celebrities always pretend the word is going to be “cock” or “whoopie”. That’s the whole game. Except for the part where the host rips on women and minorities.
In his first display of witty banter, Gene Rayburn was teasing a cute young actress. He was flirting with her the way all of those scumbag game show hosts did back in the day, when he asked her a question in which she didn’t know the answer. She batted her eyes and with an adorable smile replied, “I’m not sure.” He looked her straight in those pretty little eyes and said, “You are one dumb broad.” Rayburn: 1 Feminism: Stifled
About seven minutes later, we were knee deep in Super Match. This was the final round where the audience was polled for a fill in the blank, and the final contestant asked three celebrities to help them guess the most popular answers. On this day, the Super Match phrase was “_____ Lane”. Two celebs had already answered when they came to said ditzy actress. She was drawing a blank, when she glanced at a young Clifton Davis seated behind her pointing towards his heart and making kissing faces. “Oh, oh, I’ve got it. Lover’s Lane,” she shouted out. As the audience doubled over, she added, “I got that one straight out of the blue.” Rayburn’s eye caught the camera the way a buck catches a glimpse of a hunter. Without missing a beat he dropped, “No darling, I’m pretty sure you got that one straight out of the black.” If Rayburn were around today and said that, he would have been shot with a bow and arrow by Jesse Jackson right on the set. And everyone would think to themselves, “Yeah, that’s about right.”
This wasn’t an episode of “Craziest Game Show Moments Ever.” This was an episode of a game show that aired on a Tuesday in 1975. But in all honesty, we waste so much time talking about all the hate that goes on through this country, we forget to talk about how much stupidity goes on through this country. And we need to go no further than the Feud.
I was watching the Family Feud (the newer one with the guy who played Peterman on Seinfeld as host). It was the final round, and here we were on the final question. The family was five points shy of the ten thousand dollar grand prize when Peterman says, “We asked you to name a country that is known for it’s frigid temperature. You said…… Alaska.” The crowd moans, and the family hangs their head. But wait just a moment. The Family Feud doesn’t look for the factually correct answer, they ask for the answer that surveyed Americans may have answered. And when the bell rang, there stood the final line on the board.
Alaska……………………………………………………………………………6
And Peterman just stood there in shock. Nothing witty, no cheap shot to the winning family. Just waved to the camera and shrugged his shoulders. And that’s when I realized that a funny racist is better than nothing at all. Rayburn would have told an “Alaska’s my favorite state cause there’s no Mexicans up there” joke before the six popped on the board. And your 70’s ’stache would have fucking loved it.
